It's Not Supposed to be This Way

It’s Not Supposed to be This Way:

I never thought that I would be home from my junior year at college from March until the summer.

I never thought that I would be doing online classes full time.

I never thought I would lose my summer internship that I worked so hard to secure.

I never thought I’d be living in a dystopian novel where everything shuts down and the world would be fighting a war with a deadly virus.

But, here we are. I have been home since March 6, and EVERY aspect of my life is different.

This time is so weird. I have and haven’t accepted that this is my new normal, until who knows when. I didn’t think that when I packed my suitcase for Spring Break that I wouldn’t be going back to my house in TX. It’s weird to be home and have half of my stuff sitting somewhere else. But nothing about this time feels normal.

I wake up at around 7:30 am everyday naturally. I can never sleep in, and if I am still in bed at 10am, it is because I woke up naturally, went on my phone for a little and then went back to bed. But this has not been true during quarantine. I have been sleeping in and waking up at 9am. That is sleeping in for me.

Also, I am known for having a bedtime. And once 9:30pm hits, I am shutting down and ready for bed. But, recently, I have been staying up late. Like I have been going to sleep at midnight. That is so late for me.

I thrive off of my routine and scheduling every hour of my day and being productive and working out. And I can still do those things, but it is so different. My workouts now include mile long walks outside and at home HIIT videos. And once again, a lot of family walks.

I go back and forth on how I am feeling and I think that is okay. We are all in uncharted territory about what is going to happen and how you are supposed to act. Some days I fully embrace my new “normal” routine and others I just want to do nothing or do the most random things around my house.

When people ask me about Baylor, I always say I love Baylor, and I don’t always love Texas. I explain to them how I love being with my siblings and parents and how it’s hard to leave my 11 year old brother and miss his sports games and watching him grow up. So, I am very thankful to have time at home to be with my family and just pause. Did the whole world just need a second to breathe? But what about the people who don’t have a healthy home life or good relationship with their family? I don’t think that there is an explanation that resolves and answers everyone’s questions and concerns.

As much as I hate the unknown, I am learning to live in it. To take it day by day. To ask a tough question and be okay with not getting an answer. To live not knowing the deadline of all of this or what my summer plans are.

I am learning as I go. I think it’s okay to sit home and feel weird or not used to what is going on.

I am finding a balance of my normal routine and having grace with myself. In all regards.

And I have been doing lots of baking. So it’s important to remember:

It is okay if your body changes because your routine has.

It is okay to gain weight while social distancing.

You do not need to make up for your isolation snacks.

Being home and in quarantine is not normal. So be more patient with yourself.

And, I saw this quote on instagram and I thought it was very interesting and brought a different perspective:

Another aside, I finished this book in January and I wish I had it with me to quote, but it is in Texas. The Lord’s timing is so interesting. When I was reading this book at Thanksgiving, my mom asked me, “has something in your life gone terribly wrong?” The answer at that time was no. Of course my life has had it’s ups and downs but nothing earth shattering. I was simply reading this book to be prepared and equipped for the next time I questioned God. Here I am a few months later and not only mine, but everyone’s lives have been changed.

Overall, I am thankful for the constants: my faith, the Lord, my family, my friends. The world around me may change and never be the same, but I know these things will remain.

Praying and continuing to be positive during this time :)

x o x o,

Megan