Oh, Darling Don’t You Ever Grow Up

We all did it. We all saw the older girl and wished away our days, just waiting to be older. We played teenager and pretended to be older and thought that as soon as we were teenagers, our lives would be perfect but then 16 rolled around and I had my own car how I couldn’t wait to be 18 then 20… and the cycle continues. There is no magic number that automatically creates the perfect life. And I wish I could tell my younger self that. My mom would tell me “you don’t want to get older, it’s no fun”. But, I continued to pretend I had a phone and a boyfriend and stared at awe at all the girls 10 years older than me. And then I went to college and soon realized that getting older is no fun. As I am 3/8 done with my college semesters, I wish I could pause time. I’m trying to dig my heels in but somehow I still always have to plan ahead and be ready for the next steps in my life; sit down with an advisor and decide on a major. And when I reply with no definite answer, he replies, “what do you see yourself doing long term?” The reality is I don’t have long term plans. I wish I knew what career would fulfill and be where I am supposed to be but I don’t. And when I come home, I don’t have to worry about that.

This moment plays out in my memory... My 10-year-old self rocking my baby brother to sleep. I remember sitting in his blue rocking chair, watching him slowly fall asleep, thinking about what a blessing and gift this little life was. I remember not wanting to put him in his bed because I wanted that moment to last forever. At 10 years old, I tried to freeze time. And now, that same little baby is 10 years old. I wish I could go back and tell myself, “rock him for 2 more minutes” but that’s the thing, I would have stayed there all night. And in the blink of an eye, that baby is that same in age, in the same classroom, with the same teacher I had. As I picture this moment and try to relive and remember every thought and action, I hear the Taylor Swift song softly playing in the back of my head, “Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, Just stay this little, Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up. It could stay this simple”.

 And Taylor Swift was right.

As, I watch from a distance, my little brother growing up, I wish I could tell myself to slow down, to enjoy being 10, to enjoy being blissfully ignorant. It is crazy to think that one day, he will be a sophomore in college, learning the same life lessons I am learning today. But, he has a decade to enjoy being a kid. And what I would tell that sweet baby boy is, that regardless of whether you pause, or just keep moving, life passes you by. So, enjoy the small moments.

xoxo,

Megan